Forgive Me, Litva
by Krasavitsa
Summary: In the past, every time Russia tried to love, he always destroyed instead. But he's different now. Abandoned by the nation he loves after the fall of the Soviet Union, Russia can only wait for someone to realize that he's changed, that he's not the ruthless monster he once was.


_**I've noticed there's been an unfortunate lack of RussLiet fics on here, so I decided to write one! Hetalia is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya.**_

**_"Litva" = "Lithuania" in Russian._**

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><p><em>I know - I'm a monster. There's a reason why you don't want to stay here, and it's not just because of my corrupt government and economy. A "second-world country", people call me, like that makes any difference about what I've done. Everybody hates me. And it's all my fault.<em>

_You know this better than anyone else, I'm afraid. How could I have hurt you and your people like that when I love you so much? I'd like to say I was mentally insane during that time, but I knew exactly what I was doing and why I did it._

_I did it to keep you here, Litva, to make you feel like I wanted you. But instead, I pushed you away and turned myself into a cruel, merciless nation. I deported your people for the fun of it, and killed them on a whim. I ruined thousands of peoples' lives every day._

_And not just Lithuanians, either. I went after everyone inside Soviet borders. Estonians, Latvians, Russians...nationality didn't matter to me. I was a ruthless, barbaric monster. And every time I tried to love, I destroyed instead._

_You always tried to forgive me. I can't even count the number of second chances you gave me, there were so many. Even though I hurt and frightened you every day, you always let me try again, just to see if I had changed. But I never changed. I didn't deserve all those second chances._

_I understand why you left me, Litva. Of course, you can have your freedom back after fifty years of captivity. I don't want to be the one to keep you from that anymore. Why would anybody want to stay with someone so creepy and controlling as myself?_

_I'm alone now, you know. Just sitting around in my big, empty house, talking to the walls. Pretending the walls are you. I know this is my punishment for being such an evil nation - living by myself with no one to talk to. But I still wish I could get just one more second chance. If I do, I promise I'll never be cruel to you again._

_Litva, forgive me. Even though I know you never will. _

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><p>Russia lay on the cold, dirty floor of his colossal home, shivering from the freezing wind and snow that blew in through a broken window. His house had fallen into disrepair after the other nations left, and Russia did not have the will to get up and fix it. Instead, he remained on the ground, reflecting on years past.<p>

_Litva. _He wanted Lithuania, who would comfort him with a calm voice and tell him that everything was alright. Who would take his hand, pull him gently up off the ground, and show him that at least one person cared. But Litva wasn't here. He was in his own country with his own people, celebrating his newly-found freedom.

Was Litva selfish to celebrate that? No, Russia was selfish to expect him to stay.

Guilt muddled Russia's thoughts. He suddenly felt extremely tired. _Just go to sleep forever, _he thought. _No one will miss you, and you'll always have good dreams. _

The Russian half-smiled at the thought of this, then tears filled his eyes. _What _if _he died? _He could die, if his economy got bad enough. His country hadn't been faring so well after the Soviet Union broke up, and his health could deteriorate at any moment.

_That's what you get for being so cruel,_ Russia reproached himself. _The Baltics probably wished you were dead. _His fatigue became stronger, and Russia's eyes began to shut on their own accord.

_Wait~ _A door slammed somewhere in the distance. The sound of hesitant footsteps echoed throughout the empty house. Russia sat up and listened. _Could it be…?_

The footsteps stopped. Russia waited for a moment, his heart pounding, but they did not start up again. _Of course he wouldn't come back, you idiot. No one wants to be around you anymore. _Devastated, Russia pressed his face to the cold floor and shut his eyes.

_Whatever happens next, whether sleep or death, I am ready. Do svidaniya, Litva. Goodbye, Lithuania._

The world went dark.

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><p>Russia was awakened by the sound of hesitant footsteps. His heartbeat quickened at the sound. <em>What if…? <em>He shook his head. _No way. What were the chances?_ The Russian shut his eyes firmly, shutting out any thoughts of false hope.

The footsteps came closer. Russia could hear them getting louder and louder, and felt their vibrations through the dusty, hard floor as he lay uncomfortably on his side. They stopped suddenly, and Russia heard the sound of a person breathing.

He opened his eyes a crack, and saw only a blurry figure before shutting them again.

The person shook Russia's shoulder. "R-russia?" he asked, voice trembling slightly.

Russia sucked in a breath. "Litva?"

A hand gripped his, then slowly pulled him up to his full height. Russia reluctantly opened his eyes, fearing the worst. Maybe America, or Germany, was standing in his house with a gun, ready to wage war against a weakened, heartless country. Maybe it was the Baltics who were here with sharp knives, hearts set on killing their cruel captor. Yes, that's probably who it was. The Baltics wanted him dead; he knew it.

Russia's eyes opened, and he gasped. A beaming Lithuania stood in front of him, green eyes shining brilliantly. Russia grinned. "Litva, you came back!"

The Lithuanian smiled slightly. "Yes, I did." He took a deep breath, then exhaled. "I've decided...I want to stay with you." He glanced down at the floor, refusing to make eye contact with the Russian.

"You...you _what?" _Russia gripped Litva's chin and forced his head upwards until Lithuania's eyes were level with his.

Litva looked nervous. "I-I couldn't just leave you all alone here!" he said, trembling the way Latvia used to. "I have lots of friends - Estonia, Latvia, America, and Poland. You...you have no one except me!"

Russia nodded solemnly. That was true, he really didn't have any friends. He'd always wished Litva would be his friend, but the Baltic was always too frightened of him for any real friendship to blossom.

But Lithuania couldn't stay here! He was an independent country now, allowed for the first time to be free. Why would he want to live with Russia anyway? Was it because he really wanted to, or was this some cruel form of Stockholm Syndrome?

But Russia had always wanted Lithuania to stay...

"You're right, Litva, I _am _very lonely here," the Russian answered. "But...I don't deserve this. _You _don't deserve this. I was a ruthless monster, and-"

A look of quiet determination appeared on the Lithuanian's face. "You were a monster once," he told Russia softly. "But I know that you've changed. And...I love you, Russia."

A childish grin swept across Russia's face. He shivered with joy, with wonder, with love. "Da, then of course you can stay!" he shouted jubilantly. Laughing, he put an arm around Lithuania's shoulder and pulled him into a tight hug, nearly crushing the smaller nation.

His Litva loved him. _Him! _Russia thought he had lost the Baltic forever, but Lithuania had come back to stay!

And Russia would make sure he _never _lost his Litva again, no matter what.

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><p><em><strong>The first few times I wrote this, Russia died at the end. Imagine that! And then Lithuania died, too. I had to rewrite the ending several times until they both stayed alive. :)<strong>_

_**So...review, da? **_


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